Pleasure on your own terms

Updated: Apr 21, 2021

Rarely is pleasure discussed among women

Fortunately there is a new wave of information that empowers women to do so. Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, but it is the relationship that you have with yourself first that determines your body's arousal and response to stimuli. In my experience it's not until you are comfortable with knowing what the needs and desires of your body are that you can instruct and entrust your partner to aid and fulfil. You do not need a partner for these discoveries, but if you do, it can be a fun and bonding journey together.

You are yours alone

Years ago I heard an older woman saying, "you are yours before anyone elses". While the sentiment was well meant, it is untrue. Words are powerful and must be rectified and clarified when needed. So I have told my daughters, and I say to you also, " You are yours alone. No one else can claim posession of you. You may share yourself, but you are always yours alone".

Knowing your body, really being in touch with how it feels and moves can be challenging for some. It's been my experience that as I have become comfortable with myself, I am also unapologetic for who I am. Rediscovering my needs has come as the kids have left home and I have the space to think only of myself for a while. I dove headfirst into parenting. My identity was completely tied up in it. My reason for everything. I was (and still am) a wife to a very good man who has walked with me through my motherhood and is with me on the other side of it as a lover and confidant. Now it's time for us, together, alone. I've found a renewed sense of sexuality that is more powerful than anything I've felt before. While all the documentation tells me that now that I've had a full hysterectomy and no longer produce estrogen to make everything supple, I find that with the aid of the Hihi Lubricant and no need to rush sex (kids - If you've got them you know exactly what I mean) I have a more fulfilled sexual experience.

There are some articles that caused some anxiety though!

Recently, I read an article on potential causes of clitoral atrophy during menopause (see article here) and I thought - OMG Nooooooo! After everything, being thrown into surgical menopause, healing, negotiating my body again, WHY!! Then I stopped freaking out and read on. There is information about how it can be reversed or avoided. In fact, all it really encourages is sex, masturbation and moving. I'm down with that! The article itself goes over the health issues and then, further down the page, goes over, what I think, are healthy instructions on the "how to's". It's well written and very informative.

Be kind to your body and It'll be kind to you. Many blessings,


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